Feeling Stuck? Here’s How to Surrender to Love

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck, like you’ve lost your way? Like there’s a plan and a purpose for your life but you’ve fallen off the track and have no idea how to get back onto it?

I have.

In fact, even as a health and transformational life coach, I’m not immune to those kinds of frustrations.

I recently returned from six days in Ft. Lauderdale, where in addition to much sun and sand, I soaked up an infinite amount of business knowledge and time spent on expanding my own personal growth so I can be of greater service to you. (PS – I’m a firm believer that everyone should take a warm-weather vacation every winter. There’s something so rejuvenating for the spirit about it)!

I returned from the retreat full of ideas and inspiration, which, while great, quickly muddled my focus. Lost in the possible ideas and complicated steps of making it all a reality, I found myself paralyzed,  overwhelmed and lost in my thoughts – thoughts of inadequacy and victimhood, discouragement and frustration.

Not unlike the feelings many of my clients have when they first seek me out.

I was faced with two choices.

My natural inclination was to force forward , you know…”where there’s a will, there’s a way!” (cue trumpets and stampeding horses). Choice #2 (which I’ve also often been guilty of making) was to remove myself from having any responsibility at all and say “eh, it will happen when it happens and stay stuck.”

I liked neither option. I tried them both before in other situations in life, with mediocre results.

Then something changed. 

In a conversation with God, (Universe, Buddah, whatever you believe in – you get what I’m saying) I decided to release all deadlines and focus on ME for a while. Just give my work some space – just as you might in a heated argument with someone you love.

What came to me was a realization that many positive changes to my health line up with Lent (a time of transformation). I made the decision to get back in touch with the part of me that is love. A part I wasn’t honoring much lately. And just like that, I made a commitment to change what wasn’t working.

I’ve committed myself to 40 days of yoga. (True confession – I’ve been practicing yoga for 12 years, but have been a handful of times in the past three years). I decided to give up all alcohol for the 40 days of this personal commitment. And I’m drawing daily inspiration from a book about transforming fear into love.
I’m nine days into my personal challenge and I feel flipping fantastic. I’m coming back into my graceful flow. I feel like I’m floating through life . I spent the weekend enjoying the unseasonable summer sunshine in SF, the beach, yoga, friends, good food, and endless cuddle time with Adrian (the love of MY life).

Life is delicious.

And my clients are feeling the effects of surrender, too. My clients have had some of the most profound and personally transformative sessions since I started doing this work four years ago.

Sharing this story with friends, clients and colleagues has brought up one resounding question from each person:

How do I begin to surrender to love?

To understand the intricacies of surrender, let’s start by talking about what surrender is not. Surrender is not about giving up completely, throwing your hands in the air and resigning yourself to your present circumstances. Quite the opposite, actually.

True surrender is the release of control – of force- of demand and stubborn commitment to getting exactly what you want, exactly the way you want it. When we surrender, we are able to see that perhaps, there is another way.

This becomes possible because when you surrender, you align with a willingness to listen. You listen to signs, to your heart, to your inner voice, or perhaps even to another person.

When you surrender, you release having to be right and instead focus on trust . You trust in the Universe, God, Buddha or whatever force you believe is greater than you – to guide you forward, to unveil the path, or to create the opportunity you’ve been longing for.

To practice surrender, try these three simple techniques:

  • Ask yourself, “How would I act if I were unattached to the outcome?” – then act that way.
  • Every time you find yourself forcing or resigning, step back and repeat this mantra out loud, “I surrender my ego to the experience of love”.
  • Practice gratitude for exactly where you are – right now – no matter what you wish for. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be and embrace it.

I’ll be updating you on my personal journey across the coming weeks and would love to know how your experiences of surrender go as well.

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