Unusual Ways to Feel Sexy

4 Unusual Ways to Feel Sexy

There was a time when I could have cared less if I ever had sex again for the rest of my life. I didn’t feel loved (my marriage was falling apart) and I didn’t feel sexy, either. I was a new, lactating mother. I felt gross and sticky and in need of a shower. I was exhausted. Dark circles lined my eyes.

My body did not resemble the body I had known for many years. Things just hung the wrong way. Clothes didn’t fit the way they had. I felt a strange combination of gawky and goofy and gummy.

I eventually worked on and improved my marriage. That helped things in the bedroom quite a bit. But still, I couldn’t help but feel like the antithesis of sexy. Could a woman who drove a station wagon with a car seat ever feel sexy again? I set out to find out.

Note that I wasn’t going for the societal ideal of what counted as “sexy.” This was not a quest that had anything to do with weight loss, boob implants, or facial work. No, this had more to do with how I felt on the inside than how I looked on the outside. What I discovered was quite surprising. If you are a frumpy feeling mom who has already taken steps to fix what’s wrong in her marriage, the following offerings just might help you feel good in your skin, too.

Go to a strip club. But don’t go to one of those fancy places in a big city where 18 year olds who could double as super models dance. No, go to the cheap, smoky dive out in the suburbs. That’s where the women with normal everyday bodies dance. I went to such a place last year and I took four girlfriends with me. I got quite an education, but the biggest lesson I learned from watching 20 or so naked women in heels is this: all women are beautiful. These women were young and middle aged. They were all races. Some were skinny. Some were more fleshy. Some had implants. Others were A cups. They were all sexy. You are sexy, too. You just don’t feel it yet.

Do a strip tease. You are not doing it for your spouse. You are doing it for you. You are doing it to get over your fear of being looked at while you are naked. The strip tease forces you to flaunt all of your beautiful womanliness—with the lights on and with nothing hidden under the covers. If you can pull this off, you will never feel self-conscious again. I discovered this about a year ago when I decided to give my husband a strip tease for his birthday. It wasn’t until afterward that I realized I had really given a gift to myself. To master the moves, Carmen Electra’s strip tease aerobic videos are a great place to start.

Wear your sexiness. I’ve been experimenting with lingerie, heels and other wearable props over the years. I’ve found that things as simple as a men’s dress shirt coupled with a pair of boots can go a long way to making a woman feel her best. You just might find that some simple options – already available in your home – will help to transform your mind and your confidence so you feel like the sexy sex kitten (and mom) that you are.

Treat your body like the shrine that it is. Too often, after motherhood, we put our needs last. We don’t get enough sleep. We stop exercising. We put relaxation at the bottom of the to-do list. We start living off chicken fingers and mac n cheese. It’s hard to feel good when you are not treating your body with respect. All of the things that improve your health can help you feel sexy, too.